Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize