If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
