well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
