You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
