Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
