id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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