Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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