I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pants are for mortals
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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