# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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