We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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