I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
