just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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