There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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