i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Two words: nipple clamps
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