thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
