She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
