Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
