I murdered the dance floor call the cops
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
