u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
