you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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