i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
