i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
