I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
