i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
