wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
