I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're a waste of cheezeits
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
