I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
