we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
