He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
this hospital has no fireball
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
