Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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