I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize