i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize