Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you traded sex for a burrito?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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