its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
