He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I want to be your penis for a week.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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