Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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