capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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