Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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