Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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