So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
