they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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