I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
