i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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