i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you inspire me to be a worse person
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
