Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
