what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
