i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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