at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize