See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
