i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
