I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
