She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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