I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
