I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
