tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize