You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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