You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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