I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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