oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
