Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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