just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
