when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My vagina is officially offended.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
