Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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