So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
