think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
