I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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