my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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