Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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