Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize