did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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