My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
