ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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