It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
