Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
