New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
