I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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