oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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