Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
try to milk me bitch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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