i think my tv is drunk
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
